so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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