im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
