woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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