I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
