Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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