Whod you bang
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
