dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
