Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
