I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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