can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
