Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Girls should come with a carfax report
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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