you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
