he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
