Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
