I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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