Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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