Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
