threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
