I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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