If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
