dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
