Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
