Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And then he peed in my hair
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