i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
