It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
