Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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