One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
