D3 body, D1 cock
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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