Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
