he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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