she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
