i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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