Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
