omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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