You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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