sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
