you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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