Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
