Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
