we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
