apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize