did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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