I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
