Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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