Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
