we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
