if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
