I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
