last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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