My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
