Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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