just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
