My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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