Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
