Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
