A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
